Would she still be with us if her aneurysm had been detected earlier?

On December 27th my mother, Florence Schreiner, died. Earlier in the year she was in the hospital and underwent surgery for bleeding ulcers. While she was there, they found that she had an abdominal aneurysm on her aorta. The size was measured at 4.8-5.0.

When she was released from the hospital, she was put in touch with a specialist. It took a while before she was able to get an appointment, as is the case with most specialists. After her initial meeting with the doctor, she was sent for a series of tests. Most of the results were borderline. Mom had emphysema, asthma, poor circulation, angina, and was 81 years old to boot. We had already known all of this, but the doctor wanted to be sure that mom was healthy enough to come through the operation.

In spite of mom's ailments, the doctor recommended surgery. When my mother was explained the procedure and what could be expected as far as recovery and the healing process was concerned, she opted not to have the surgery. The operation is quite extensive and she was most afraid of having a stroke during the procedure. She also thought she would never be the same healthwise after the operation and not be able to regain her strength and would need to be dependent on her children. She was afraid her quality of life would never be the same. She would have gone to a rehabilitation center after the surgery, but if she didn't come around and was unable to care for herself, she did not want to go to a nursing home. She felt she would die there. Needless to say, she was very frightened. No matter what my brothers or I said to her - we weighed all the pros and cons - we could not persuade her to have the surgery. She had to make the decision herself, and when she did, we stood behind her and supported her.

I live 4 1/2 hours from my mother and called her every day. If there was a day when she was out and didn't answer the phone, I thought for sure the aneurysm had burst and she was dead. It got to the point where I made her call me every time she would go out so I wouldn't have an anxiety attack when she didn't answer the phone.

Mom was very independent and wouldn't come to live with either of my brothers or me. She knew choosing not to have surgery was giving herself a death sentence. She was happy with her life and was ready to meet her Maker and be with my dad. Dad died 27 years ago when he was 63 of an aneurysm that went undetected. My brothers and I feel doomed. When we get over the shock of loosing mom, we will all go to be tested.

Mom was in and out of the hospital on five different occasions the last two months of her life. She was experiencing severe lower back pain. The first three times she was told that her aneurysm had grown but not significantly. They didn't think that it was causing her pain. In my heart I knew it was the aneurysm and the beginning of the end. She was sent home each time with pain medication.

Early December she was taken back to the hospital. The pain medication was no longer helping. At this time a urologist was called in and found her kidneys to be functioning at about 50%-60%. Still saying it was not the aneurysm causing the pain. Again she was sent home and told to see a specialist. The following week she was back in the hospital. At this point my brothers and I were frustrated, panicky and wanting answers and results. Finally, on our insistence, a specialist came to see her and ordered more tests. The results were that her kidneys were hardly functioning. At this point mom would not have lived through surgery. Dialysis was an option, but mom didn't want it. Furthermore, any tests she would have needed before dialysis could be started, would have killed her.

Bottom line -- the aneurysm was growing and cutting off the flow of blood to her kidneys. Thus, her kidneys were shutting down. The doctor told her to go home and as long as she was feeling up to it, she should do whatever she wanted to do. He gave her a stronger pain killer. Well, she was doing fine as long as she took her pills. I planned on bringing her to my house for the Christmas holidays where she would spend it with my family - my husband and me, her grandchildren and great grandchild. She was excited, happy and looking forward to it. I was picking her up the Friday before Christmas. The morning before, December 20th, she was back in the hospital for the last time.

For seven days I watched my mother die. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. As hard as those seven day were, there was also so much good. She had her entire family around her. We talked about old times, things that happened in her childhood, in the lives of my brothers and me, and our children's lives. We laughed, cried, and sung Christmas Carols. Mom faced her death with dignity and grace. She was an inspiration. She never felt sorry for herself and never complained. Her only regret was the pain we were all feeling. She gave us strength and she looked forward to the end when she would be with God and dad. She was truly happy. I pray that one day I will have the courage to face my death as courageously as my mother did. She is indeed my new found hero.

On December 27th at 1:30 in the afternoon, mom's next breath never came. It was that easy, that simple. Her physical pain was over, she was in a better place where there was no pain - just peace. She was with God and with my father. She had looked forward to this all week. Her aneurysm had not ruptured. It was the complications caused by the aneurysm, primarily, her kidneys failed, which led to other complications.

I miss her so much. But I cry for me, not for her because I know she is truly happy and at peace. I can't help wondering if she would still be with us if her aneurysm was detected earlier. I'm sure it didn't happen overnight. It had to be there for a number of years. If it was detected when she was a little younger and had a stronger will to live, maybe she wouldn't have been so frightened of the surgery. Maybe she would be alive today.