Running For Roger: A Son's Journey

My world was torn apart on a quiet Sunday morning late April in 2006 when my father was struck down suddenly by an abdominal aortic aneurysm as he prepared to go kayaking with his beloved dog. In that moment, my family lost a husband of 41 years, a father for 40 years and a gentleman who had a heart of gold, a love for life and laughter.

How could this happen to such an active and healthy man? He was so strong and athletic, he traveled to almost all parts of the world, snow skied, played tennis, went on long walks and was an accomplished sailor.

But that morning, no amount of strength could have saved him. One tiny bulge in an artery took his life and with no warning, he was gone. Just two rooms away in the house, my mother was completely unaware that anything was wrong until their dog woke her from her sleep, frantically running about and barking. That was when she found my father, where he had collapsed on the floor. Minutes later neighbors were administering CPR to try to save his life until paramedics arrived but there was just no bringing him back.

A short distance away in the Bahamas, I was awoken by my wife, standing next to me with the phone in her hand and a panic in her eyes. "It's Richard...something’s wrong," she said. My brother Richard had only asked to speak to me but she could tell by the sound of his voice that something was wrong. When I took the phone, my brother was unable to speak and so it was my sister in law who told me that my father "had stopped breathing" and was in the hospital. Having heard similar news concerning my father 13 years prior when he suffered a stroke, I tried to convince myself that whatever had happened, he would put up a fight and he would be okay. I quickly packed a bag and rushed to the airport. It was an agonizing one hour flight over to Florida during which time I was telling myself that I would be chatting to my father at his bedside in the hospital and encouraging him to take it easy from now on.

Little did I know that even before I had left the Bahamas, my wife had already received a second phone call from my sister who was barely able to say, "Daddy died." My wife was devastated and couldn't hide her grief from our young children and through her sobs, had to break the news to them as they clung to her, frightened and worried, wanting to know what was wrong. But she made the decision not to tell me when I phoned from the airport to say I had managed to get on a flight. She remained strong for me and when I asked about my father, she told me she hadn't heard any news. It hurt her to do that but she did it for me. I was alone at the airport, surrounded by strangers. After speaking with her, I was able to remain composed on the flight over. Looking back, I am so grateful for her doing this because I was able to hear the news from my sister upon arriving in Florida and I wasn't alone when I broke down.

The following weeks were unbearable and we didn't know how we would get through it all. But I have always drawn strength from emergencies and tough times ever since I was in school and was able to be supportive for my family and my mother who needed me more than ever.

Months later after the funeral and memorial services, I made the decision to do something that my father would be proud of. I needed to keep a connection going with him, even after his death. The idea of running a marathon with my brother had come up a few years ago and so I brought it up again and he was game.

A friend of mine in the UK had run a half marathon in the UK a few years prior to raise money for charity and that made me think I could do the same and immediately began researching websites that could assist. I found my way to Firstgiving.com and immediately thought of raising money for AAA. I first found an organization in New York and even setup the website with that charity. But I wasn't happy with my choice and felt no connection to the organization. Something just didn't seem right. I closed my site down and continued looking for charities connected with AAA.

I was so happy when I found Aneurysm Outreach Inc. and immediately felt it was the one for me. It was located much closer to the Bahamas and after checking the AOI website and reading the messages by the president Sheila Arrington and other people that have suffered, I signed up with Firstgiving.

Without even a mile of training under my belt, I set what would later be described by a family friend as a "lofty goal" to raise $10,000. My wife and two children were first to get the money rolling in and from then on, it never stopped. We emailed friends, family and business contacts, I set up an online blog, my wife started a "Running for Roger" group on Facebook, a friend wrote a short article and placed it in an online weekly newsletter, friends and family spread the word and the donations kept coming in. People I barely knew donated and sent encouraging messages. Donations ranged from $50.00 to $5,000.00. We were touched and grateful for each one, no matter what the amount. As the donations came in, I thanked everybody personally so that they would know how much it meant to me.

I began a strict diet and training routine which would cause me to get up at the early hours of the morning to avoid the heat and humidity of the Bahamas. It was a solitary time for me as I ran mile after mile, plugged into an iPod and on practically every run, I would think about my father. It was very comforting and I can absolutely say I felt his presence as I ran. I could hear his voice as clear as if he was running next to me. One particular song on my iPod, Faith Hill's "If My Heart Had Wings", would cause me to break down and cry as I ran. The lyrics were so hard for me to hear and the song became my signature song for remembering my father.

Physically, I lost about 15 pounds of muscle during training and ate nothing but good carbs and protein. My body was so fine tuned, I could just hit the streets at any time and run 12-15 miles without any trouble. On a weekend's vacation in another island in the Bahamas, I ran for 15 miles on a beach starting at about 4am. It was the most spectacular run of my entire training regiment.

My confidence was at an all time high and I travelled to Seattle with the blessings of my family who were disappointed not to be able to join me but happy that I was close to reaching my goal.

I arrived in Seattle about three days before the run and continued to consume every carbohydrate in sight and gallons of water! My brother had injured his foot a few months prior so was unable to do the run with me but was supporting me at every moment of my training.

The morning of the run arrived and I pinned my specially printed banner with AOI's logo and the words "Working to Eliminate a Silent Killer" "Running for Roger" on it. As I stood on the starting line, I looked around for others who might be running for a cause. There were surprisingly few, but one runner ahead of me had a piece of paper on his back that said, "I donated one of my kidneys 6 months ago".

My four months of strict training had taught me to run slower for the first 5-6 miles of the 26-mile run and sure enough, I mused as runners young and old screamed past me during the first stage. Clothing layers were thrown off and general disarray seemed everywhere. One runner ran past me with no shoes on! Plugged into my 3-hour playlist on my iPod I settled into my regular pace at mile marker number 6 and never looked back. I was confident throughout the race and enjoyed every minute, every stunning view the Seattle skyline had to offer.

Through the treacherous hills in the closing miles, I was able to keep going despite some leg cramps and ankle pain. I consumed every orange, banana and pretzel offered along the way. I was an eating machine and my pace would tell me that I could drop into the stadium and sprint to a finish in under four hours. A medal was placed around my neck as I crossed the finish line and I was overcome with emotion. It was without a doubt, the greatest achievement of my life.

My "lofty goal" of $10,000.00 was nearly doubled and in the end, I raised over $18,000.00 for Aneurysm Outreach Inc. and once again, would like to thank every person and organization for donating to this cause.